Deborah Siegel

From the book jacket:

Only children don’t have to share bedrooms, toys or the backseat of a car. They don’t have to share allowances, inheritances, or their parents’ attention. But when they get into trouble, they can’t just blame their imaginary friends. In Only Child, twenty-one acclaimed writers tell the truth about life without siblings—the bliss of solitude, the ache of loneliness, and everything in between.

In this unprecedented collection, writers like Judith Thurman, Kathryn Harrison, John Hodgman and Peter Ho Davies reflect on the single, transforming episode that defined each of them as an only child. For some it came while lurking around the edges of a friend’s boisterous family, longing to be part of the chaos. For others, it came in sterile hospital halls, while caring for a parent with cancer. They write about the parents who raised them, from the devoted to the dismissive. They describe what it’s like to be an only child of divorce, an only because of the death of a sibling, to be onlies who reveled in it and onlies who wished they weren’t.

In candid, poignant and often hilarious essays, these authors—including the children of Erica Jong, Alice Walker, and Phyllis Rose—explore a lifetime of onliness. As adults searching for partners, they are faced with the unique challenge of trying to turn a long-time trio into a quartet. In deciding whether to give junior a sib, they weigh the benefits of producing the friend they never had against the fear that they will not know how to divide their love and attention among multiples. As they watch their parents age, they come face to face with the onus of being their families’ sole historians.

Whether you’re an only child curious about how your experiences compare to others’, the partner or spouse of an only, a parent pondering whether to stop at one, or someone with siblings who’s always wondered how the other half lives, Only Child offers a look behind the scenes and into the hearts of twenty-one smart and sensitive writers as they reveal the truth about growing up—and being a grownup—solo.

Contributors:

I. SINGULAR SENSATIONS
Peter Terzian
Molly Jong-Fast
Sarah Towers
Ted Rose
Alissa Quart
Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn

II. WE ARE...FAMILY - SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND FRIENDS
Lynn Harris
Thomas Beller
Sara Reistad-Long
Rebecca Walker

III. A SIB FOR JUNIOR? - PARENTING
John Hodgman
Peter Ho Davies
Amy Richards
Janice P. Nimura
Judith Thurman

IV. STILL ONLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS - TABLES TURNED
Kathryn Harrison
Alysia Abbott
Betty Rollin
Teller

Reviews

Books of Style, New York Times
"And Baby Makes Three"

PITY the only child. Rattling around in a cavernous house like the last Tic Tac in a box, he (or she) has no brothers or sisters to play hide and seek with or to diffuse the high-beam glare of parental attention. What an unenviable fate! Or maybe not.

In “Only Child,” Deborah Siegel and Daphne Uviller gather the reflections of 21 writers and other creative types (including themselves) to demonstrate the ups and downs of “growing up solo.”

For Lynn Harris, a creator of the BreakupGirl.net Website, and author of the forthcoming novel “Death by Chick Lit,” being an only child meant she occupied a “Raggedy Ann-themed spot at the center of the universe.” For Betty Rollin, a memoirist who grew up in Yonkers, being siblingless meant that she was pampered, adored and showered with gifts. “When I was about 15, I found out my birthday was not a national holiday,” she jokes.

Meanwhile, John Hodgman, the humorist and author of “Areas of My Expertise,” regards the three-person family as the “apex of Western civilization.” As a boy he was convinced that big families were overrated. To him, siblings amounted to resource-stealing rivals. So why did Mr. Hodgman inflict a brother on his firstborn child, robbing her of the cornucopia of lone-tot bounty? Put it down to the willfulness of the only child.

Taken together, the reflections show what a crap shoot it can be for parents to stake all their chips on just one number. The luck is concentrated — when it’s good it’s magnificent; when it’s bad, there’s no fallback position.

Some of the onlies loathed their solitary state — like the short story writer Sarah Towers, who felt so lonely as a child that she tried to persuade her father to adopt a chimp. Others reveled in the spotlight, like Molly Jong-Fast, the daughter of Erica Jong, whose mother liked to tease her by threatening to adopt a Chinese baby.

But most of the entries fall somewhere in between — contented but bittersweet, like the touching account by the performance artist Teller (of Penn & Teller) of his bond with his aging parents; or the observations of the biographer Judith Thurman, who compares the child in a three-person household to “a puny sun around which two mighty satellites revolve.”

As is true for everyone, being alone but not lonely requires initiative. The young trend watcher Alissa Quart — the sole issue of an ironic professor father and a 1940s-style mother — learned “how to not be an only child” in Manhattan at the age of 13, when she got her first boyfriend. She writes, “I was never not someone’s girlfriend again.”

"Full disclosure: I am an only. And for me, like the 21 disparately strong writers who have contributed to the anthology Only Child: Writers on the Singular Joys and Solitary Sorrows of Growing Up Solo, there is a nagging question that hangs over the table each time I let slip the fact of my sibling-free existence: What’s it like to be an only child?

It’s a question that can inspire a lot of pseudopsychological nonsense, but the diverse essays here, edited by Deborah Siegel and former TONY editor Daphne Uviller, manage to be honest, insightful and entertaining. The topic is explored in four facets: growing up; interacting, for better or worse, with significant others and friends; parenting onlys or parenting as an only; and only adulthood. Opening with the achingly and superbly sweet 'Postcards to Myself' by Peter Terzian and closing with a charmingly poignant 'New Year’s Eve' by Teller (of comedy team Penn & Teller), the anthology encapsulates the complexities of onlyhood—such as the duality of deep loneliness and an overwhelming desire to be alone—in a way that makes this a great read, even for people who didn’t grow up with a plethora of imaginary friends to keep them company. Thomas Beller, essayist extraordinaire, doesn’t disappoint with 'Odd Numbers,' and John Hodgman weighs in with a droll letter to his second child. Kiss-and-tell memoirist and novelist Kathryn Harrison’s masterful 'The Forest of Memory'—which explores how the absence of siblings affects childhood recollections—would sparkle in any collection. . . .[A]s a whole, these diverse essays play exceedingly well together."

"Kathryn Harrison (The Kiss), John Hodgman (The Areas of My Expertise) and the New Yorker's Judith Thurman (Isak Dinesen) are just three of the noteworthy writers who contributed to this collection of essays on growing up sans siblings. Editors Siegel and Uviller have gathered the 20 original pieces into general themes: childhood, family relationships, the desire-or lack thereof-for a sibling and the unique joys and perils of being an adult 'only.' The gems of this volume are the authors who trade analysis for storytelling, such as magician and author Teller's life-affirming 'New Year's Eve 1997,' Peter Terzian's 'Postcards to Myself,' Rebecca Walker's 'Blood of my Blood' and Alysia Abbott's 'A Pair of Onlies.'...[M]any only children, as well as those who sometimes wish they were, will find much to appreciate in this volume." —Publishers' Weekly

Advance Praise

"So what if only kids are sometimes coddled, spoiled, and a little lonelier than other kids? If the stories in this volume are any indication, they turn out great--sophisticated, sensitive, funny people, who used their extra time as only children to become very wise."

"I hope my brother will forgive me when I say, with all honesty, that I wish I was an only so that I could have been included in this fascinating, entertaining, and groundbreaking book. Only Child is a work whose conception is as intelligent, witty, and wise as its authors. It is a terrific and timely anthology."

“In a culture that obsesses over every conceivable determinant of identity, from marital status to soft drink preference, a person’s ‘singleton’ status often goes unexamined. We ponder, needle, and envy ‘onlys,’ woefully unable to articulate whether and how their childhood circumstances contributed to who they are. Finally, it seems, 21 acclaimed writers have taken on that challenging task. These essays promise to entertain—and answer—questions asked by every generation of parents and children; questions that today’s children will soon be asking in record numbers. I eagerly await the publication of Only Child.”

"As a family sociologist (and a proud sister to four siblings), I'm fascinated by the ways that brothers and sisters shape our identities. They may annoy and infuriate us, but they also provide an important set of eyes and ears to help us remember and make sense of our pasts. Only children have never had that second set of eyes, ears, and memories—until now. Only Child gives us an often amusing, occasionally heartbreaking, and always fascinating glimpse into the secret lives of only children. I can't think of a team better than Deborah Siegel and Daphne Uviller to provide editorial inspiration to their newly formed 'family' of renowned only-child writers. Both Deborah and Daphne are superb writers, insightful social analysts, and — most
importantly — 'singletons' themselves. This one-of-a-kind collection of personal testimonies is a 'must read' for only children and anyone who has ever known (or wishes they could be!) an only child."